I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
