Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
