I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
