Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just tell him i said nine months
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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