Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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