Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You are the jesus of drinking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
