i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
