He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
