I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
