Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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