I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
