My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
