I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
