You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
