if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
