Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
