I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
