Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
