Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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