rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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