I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
