i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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