I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
