The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
