Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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