My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
