grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize