called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
