There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
