Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
