Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize