nut hugger
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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