We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
