I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
