i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
