Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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