I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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