I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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