I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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