i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
