did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
