I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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