Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize