wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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