apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
