Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize