kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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