I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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