i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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