I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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