I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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