dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
