Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
