And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize