The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
