I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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