Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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