I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
