Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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