I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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