He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
