Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
