He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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