Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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