I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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