the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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