i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No subtext here. People are naked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
