Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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