I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize