My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
