Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
