cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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