haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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