Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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