i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
