Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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