its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
