I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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