I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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