I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
