I think i peed on brittanys purse
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
