my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
