"it" just moved
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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