She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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