You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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