I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize