if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
