My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize