I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
