I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
