i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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