What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
