That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
