oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize