I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
