Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
