Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize