If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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