My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sext me about skeletons
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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