I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
