If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize