i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
