Apparently you make a good broom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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