I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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